The day of the appointment finally came. It took about a month to get in to see the therapist we will call "B". She'd mailed us many pages to fill out about Willow. I think we answered every possible question there could be about her. When we went back to B's room Willow turned on the charm and acted shy. She wasn't her usual self talking a mile a minute. It didn't take long for her to warm up to "B". She thought B was pretty and she laughed when B talked to her. B talked to us for quite a while and went over every single question we had answered in the paperwork to be sure we had answered the questions as we had intended to. Some of them were worded so that it was hard to give an answer you thought was appropriate. The entire time she was watching Willow and making notes. We didn't learn a lot in this meeting but scheduled another visit for the following week when she would tell us her thoughts about Willow and what she thought was going on with her. That was a long week! A week of praying that a miracle was coming up!
When I took Willow to the next appointment with B she had me do some interaction with her. I had to draw something and then Willow was suppose to copy it. She did a pretty good job. Next I had to tell her about the day we met her. Willow listened intently for about 30 seconds and then completely zoned out. B snapped her fingers and asked "Willow, what did Mom just say?". Willow did her crazy laugh (Not her sweet laugh that I adore. This laugh is like something out of a scary movie.) and said "I dunno! Something about China and me." The next task was to teach Willow something. I decided to teach her how to count to 5 in Chinese. "Willow, do you know how to count in Chinese?" She gives me the spacey look and says, "Nope!". "Cool, I'm going to teach you! It's easy! Ready?" I put up one finger and said "Yee". She put up one little finger and repeated "Yee". Two fingers up. "Uhr". She put another little finger up and said, "Uhr".
"Good job, Willow!" Third finger up. "Sahn". Nothing. "Willow, put your finger up and say 'sahn'. It means 3 in Chinese." Totally zoned out. The therapist asks if she does this very often. I think for a minute and tell her that she does but usually it's when we tell her to pick up her toys or clean her room. Our last task is to put lotion on each other's hands. First Willow puts lotion on my hands. She enjoys doing this because she knows mama likes lotion and this one smells yummy! Then it was my turn to rub lotion on Willow's hands. At first it was great! She was grinning and loving this positive attention but it wasn't long before you could tell she was uncomfortable. She started pulling her hands back from me but not completely away.
Once these tasks were done she told Willow it was time to clean up everything we'd used. That meant closing the lotion and handing it back to B and picking up some papers. Willow did as she was told without complaint. B told me to leave the room for about 5 minutes and then come back. I asked if I should tell Willow I was leaving. She said I should. I leaned down in front of Willow and said, "I have to go to the restroom. I'll be right back. You stay here with B." When I opened the door to come back into the room Willow looked at me and gave me a big smile and reached out for my hand.
B later told me she asked me to leave to see what Willow's reaction would be when I returned. She said many children will not acknowledge the returning parent. She said Willow's reaction was very positive.
B had Willow draw a nest. Then she told her to draw a baby bird. Willow drew the baby bird outside the nest. She also had her draw a picture of her family. Willow worked on it while B and I talked. When I looked down I couldn't help but smile. She drew everyone in our family and she put hearts beside her rendering of me and hearts beside her daddy and a big one between us. B asked her why she drew the hearts and she said because they love me and mommy loves daddy and daddy loves mommy. The family members were all close together with smiles.
B's assessment of Willow was that she did not have RAD. (Thank you, Lord!) She did think there were some attachment issues and some behavior issues. Time to get to work.
We saw B weekly and started to see some small changes in Willow. B was teaching her to regulate her temper. If she was mad she could get her "angry crayons" and draw a picture of what was making her angry. She taught her to breathe deep when she was mad. She taught her to say "I am angry" instead of screaming. It was a learning time for all of us. Willow was doing better but there were still many, many days of screaming and rages.
During this time Willow told us frequently that she wanted her "China mama". B suggested we work on a LifeBook with her during appointments. We chose this
LifeBook from Amazon.com. Willow was THRILLED to be working on her book and talking about her "China Mama". We know she loves her birth mother and we encourage her to talk about her.
The rages continued but were not as often it seemed. Her frustration level seemed to be less but we knew there had to be more going on in her little head. She still screamed she hated her family and couldn't figure out why she ended up with THIS family. She threatened to run away daily. After saying this she would always run to me later and say, "Mommy, I'm sorry! I love you!" and give me a huge hug.
Willow had become quite comfortable with B by this time and B could pretty much read her like a book. She'd never seen Willow become angry. Slowly B started pushing Willow's buttons to get a reaction. She would sit close to her and that would start it. Willow liked B but she wanted space. B finally got a reaction from her one day. I don't even remember exactly what happened but the screaming started and B worked with her to get her through it. She asked Willow for a hug when it was over and Willow gave her a huge hug. B told her that after all of that frustration she probably needed a hug to make sure she had some extra love to fill her tank back up. Willow smiled at B and nodded then turned to me and said she wanted to go eat Chinese food. B mentioned to me that she thought a visit to a psychiatrist was in order. I agreed. I was so glad we were going to see someone who might provide more help. She gave me the number of a psychiatrist and I went home to make the appointment. It took two and a half months to get in to see him. In the mean time Willow continued to work with B weekly.
I honestly don't know how I would have made it through these past months if B had not been there. All I had to do was call her or email her and I would hear back from her very quickly. We took a short vacation and Willow who usually does great on our short trips bottomed out. I emailed B and she called me back. I'm sure the people in our hotel thought I was a crazy lady sitting in the lobby on my cell phone crying my eyes out. Anyone going through this needs someone to talk to, someone who understands and can help. If your child is like Willow I urge you to find a therapist who will not only help your child but will also talk to you and help you through the really bad days.
I am still amazed by the number of views this blog is getting. I appreciate each comment and email. I hope by reading this that you know you are not alone.
I will continue Willow's story soon. It takes me a while to get my thoughts together. I want to be sure I tell everything as accurately as I can because I have looked for YEARS for someone who was going through the same thing and I never found anyone. I want you to know there is hope.
